High Fructose Corn Syrup Will Steal All Your Money, Beat Up Your Grandma and Eat Your Children

No it won't. High Fructose Corn Syrup, in and of itself, is really no worse than sugar. So when the Corn Refiners Association (lobbying trade association) releases cheesy, piss-poor and somewhat misleading ads touting how no one should worry about consuming High Fructose Corn Syrup, they aren't entirely lying to your face. Much like the ad states, in moderation, High Fructose Corn Syrup is okey-dokey, just like sugar.

The misleading part of these ads, or at least the part the Corn Refiners Association isn't upfront about (why would they be? they make money when they're product gets used as ingredients), is that High Fructose Corn Syrup is in FUCKING EVERYTHING. It is in salad dressings, condiments, juices, ready-to-drink teas, sodas, snack crackers, cookies, cakes...the list goes on. High Fructose Corn Syrup is even in Saltines. Fucking Saltines. Why is there any kind of sweetener in a product that doesn't taste like anything? It's unleavened bread for fuck's sake. Unless you actively seek out products that don't have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them to consume, or all you eat and drink are fresh fruit, vegetables and water, it is damn near impossible to NOT consume too much High Fructose Corn Syrup. When almost everything you eat has some kind of Corn Syrup in it, you can't have it in moderation. And thus my problem with these ads.

So go on world, keep cutting High Fructose Corn Syrup out of your diet. Make food producers change their ingredients and get it out of the food and beverages we buy. We need that corn syrup for ethanol, apparently.