We Are Country Mice!!!

I took a field trip last week to Brooklyn to see my friend's band, We Are Country Mice, play. They are awesome. The best way I could describe it is hard folk rock with an indie twist. Sure, I am friends with the drummer, but I think they rock regardless. You should go see them. You should also listen to their music here.

If at all interested and in the area, they are playing again March 15th in Brooklyn. I will be there. Unless I'm dead or dying. In which case, I may not make it. 

New Book

If you want to scare yourself shitless about how much the Executive Branch of the government has expanded its authority and stolen power from Congress and the Judiciary, but also make yourself aware of the disturbing agenda of Dick Cheney and it's roots, I suggest reading Takeover by Charlie Savage. It's an excellent read that makes you feel quite good about the fact that Cheney is now in a wheelchair. Evil, sadistic bastard you might call me...until you read this book.

It's also an excellent read about how, over the past few decades, the presidency has continually robbed Americans of their civil liberties and protections against the government. Yes, this includes the Clinton Administration. Scary stuff.

How Diamonds Should be Advertised...

Helzberg Has it Right: Here

And Here.

And Here.

This is how you advertise diamonds to the people that usually buy them. Thank you Helzberg, for not boring me to death with that stupid cheesy romantic crap that makes me NOT want to ever buy diamonds for anyone. You will not make it on to my "banned from purchase" list for bad ads. I suppose that means when the time comes, Helzberg might be the place I have to go...unless their ads suck by then.

Why is This a God Damn News Story HEADLINING on Yahoo.com???

Seriously. This is what is wrong with the American media.

For the One or Two People Who Read This

Tonight is the night. If there is a video, I will post it afterward. If there is not, I will tell you all about it. Here's hoping that I am funny enough to make people laugh and have big enough cajones to get up on stage. 

Just in case more people read this than I think actually do, I'm not saying where I'm going or what time. Sorry. First time I will fail alone.

Middle East Shenanegans

I don't condone what Hamas does. I definitely don't condone what Israel does. But this isn't necessarily about that...at least not directly. In this article, reference is made to the fact that the US, EU and UN are all willing to work with Hamas for a peace deal if they recognize all of the previous treaties, deals and agreements made between the PLO and Israel. Seemingly makes sense, except for the fact that the US, EU and UN don't make Israel do that. If they did, Israel would have stopped producing new settlements in Palestinian territory AND withdrawn back to their 1967 borders, much like those agreements and UN resolutions require them to. 

So I pose this question:  What sense does it make for Hamas to willingly accept previous treaties, agreements and resolutions made with Israel when Israel won't do the same? When Israel isn't even required to do the same? 

And for the record, I do not support terrorism. I do not believe that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. MLK, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi were freedom fighters. Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda are terrorists. However, I do believe in an organized armed rebellion a la French Revolution and American Revolution, and to some degree, the American Civil War (it wasn't terrorism, they were fighting for some of the wrong reasons, and in all fairness to the South, they felt there was no other way to address their grievances with the government...one might wonder if we need another one). But an organized, armed rebellion should always be a last, final, well-calculated resort. Basically, the entire situation is one giant gray area. 

Every 45 Seconds....

the goddamn lights on my bus would come on. This wasn't such a big deal for the first hour or so when it was still light out. I was even able to sleep a little while until it got dark. In fact, I didn't even really get annoyed, until there was about an hour left. Then my threshold was blasted through and I got frustrated. Just thought I'd share. 

For Once, I agree with Congress

Mass. Representative Barney Frank (D), was interviewed by CNBC yesterday after it came out that Northern Trust spent a retarded amount of money on "normal marketing practices" to send a bunch of clients and employees to LA where they had luxury hotels, performanecs by superstar musicians and retardedly expensive everythings lavished upon them for a few days. Frank called this ludicrious and said this was all dispicable. I agree. Because Northern Trust took a $1.6 billion bailout from TARP.

Northern Trust says it was forced to take a bailout it didn't need. Fucking fantastic. Here's something better to do with that money: give it back to the government. In recent legislation, a clause was included that allows TARP recipients that don't believe they need the money to give it back to the government with no penalties. Rep. Frank said, and I totally agree with, if Northern Trust doesn't believe they need the money, why not give it back? Why give yourself a PR black eye by giving it to Sheryl Crow, Chicago and Earth, Wind & Fire (the band that seems to forget Water was also one of the four essential elements in the ancient times)? I do believe the employees need rewarding if they do well. Give 'em a bonus or an extra week vacation. But don't shit all over the millions of unemployed, unsheltered and out-of-luck/hanging on by nothing people in this country. This is not "normal marketing." Normal marketing would be building a brand; advertising in print and on TV and the web; using social media or whatever kind of crazy stunts you should be coming up with to make yourself seem like a populist rather than a douchebag.

But, then again, why are we surprised? No one learned from AIG, the Detroit 3 or Citi or anyone else for that matter. Why would anyone stop? It's not like anything bad is going to happen to Northern Trust other than a whole bunch of politicians getting angry, some bad PR for about a week and a few bad Op-Eds. After that, it will all go away and they'll do it again next year. So all of this huffing and puffing is for naught, because it won't change a damn thing.

GOP Governors continue to be stupid.

I still can't believe they are trumpeting this bullshit. We get it. You "don't like" spending money. You have to pander to your stupid neocon and theocon backers. But don't come out and say "The stimulus bill is irresponsible and there is no way I'm taking any more money than is absolutely necessary!" and then take $3.7+ billion of the $3.8 billion that is being given to your state by the federal government like you are some kind of heroic rebel bucking the evil trend of government. You're a moron. You're a moron for thinking this GOP, super conservative privitization bullshit that got us into this mess. And you're a moron for thinking people will still buy it. Your time is over. You blew it. 

Apologies

to whatever loyal readers I may have. Life has been busy, things have been hectic, visitors have visited and I have traveled. 

New posts coming later this week about my presentation to advertising students and We Are Country Mice, a band in Brooklyn!

How Can This Still Go on Unpunished

I feel as though a military "conflict" in Darfur, or in this case, Congo, would've been a lot more respectable and purposeful than an invasion of Iraq.

But of course, what would we gain from doing something like that?

Read this. If it doesn't make your stomach turn, you may not have a soul or a shred of decency in you.

Glenn Hall, my sort-of hero

Hooray.

When Real Wages Stagnate, or Decline, for more than a decade...

...this is what happens.

I vote for a Japan-like rule limiting executive pay to 10x what the lowest paid worker in a company makes, as an effort not only limit executive compensation, but also to boost real wages for everyone else (Japan is 8x....I think). Thus, if someone like myself, who was earning $30,000, and making it work, in the most expensive city in the country, is the lowest paid employee, then the boss-man of the company can only make $300,000 in TOTAL compensation. By total compensation, I mean stock, options, bonuses and whatever other financial maneuverings these people figure out. I don't include benefits. Benefits should be the same across the board and thus cost the same for everyone in the company. Boss man wants a raise, administrative assistant gets a raise, too.

Seriously, a consumption-driven economy like ours cannot survive if people don't make enough money to spend, especially when the credit markets are non-existent, like right now. Once our wages were held stagnant, we started buying on credit. Now there's no more credit. And no one has the savings/money/income to pay what they owe. (Thanks, good friend who pointed this out to me). Thus, clusterfuck to the poorhouse (Thanks, Daily Show). 

I know we elected an African-American as President, and I'm proud of that, but America still a disappointment.

Just Fix It Already!!!

Not everyone is an idiot.

Good thing to know in this hell-fire, craptastic, as The Daily Show might put it, "Clusterfuck to the Poor House."

Too bad this guy isn't in Congress.

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid Ruin Stimulus Package

I find it interested that in the matter of, oh about a week or two, the stimulus bill went from being about 700 pages to over 1,200. This after the devil and her devil-bride, Pelosi and Reid respectively, were given the reigns by Obama to save this country from total ruin. Thanks, you fucking children.

As a good friend of mine pointed out, Obama should've gone all dictator on Congress and had his staff write the ENTIRE bill. Any dissenters would have to face Hilary, Bill, Geithner and Biden; the latter of whom I imagine as being the baby-head-eating type when he gets angry. Sort of like an extremely sadistic, older Incredible Hulk....with less green. So maybe not so much. 

The point is, Obama, walking the talk of working together with other parts of the government, put faith in his Democratic compatriots to fix this, and all they did was exchange useful programs and plans with pork-laden crap. 

At a time when we have no competent social safety net and people are generally making less or the same as they were over the past decade, a of people would've probably benefited from those useful programs. People like me.

That's okay, though. Unlike most Americans, I actually saved some money. Here's to hoping I can survive on that for a little while. My unemployment check is pretty weak.

GOP bucks trend of helping constituents, to deny stimulus money

Yeah. You read that right. Some absolutely idiotic Republican governors figure it's a far better idea to risk financial ruin for their states and its constituents over politics rather than help those that could really really use that money.

I will repeat this shenanegans:  GOP Governors Are Not Going to Spend Money GIVEN to Them by the Federal Government to SPEND. All over politics. 

Democrats can't save the country. Then the Republicans will never win an election again! I know....Let's completely doom ALL of our constituents in hopes of ruining this whole little stimulus thing so all the Democrats get voted out over the next four years and we can reclaim dominance to do exactly what we did for the last eight years which culminated in us getting in this jam in the first place. BRILLIANT!

Sounds crazy, but it might not be too far from the truth. And the absolutely ridiculous thing about this is that after all this posturing and bullshit about sticking to their political guns, they're going to take the money anyway.

This after an article in the NYTimes this morning about how the citizenry of this country really don't give a shit about politics right now and just want people in there willing to fix this mess. Which, of course, is not what these governors are doing. Hopefully none of these idiots will be around too much longer. 

Report on My Comedy Club Adventures

I did not do an open mic night, but I did go see what I'm assuming was an amateur comic show last night. And, I learned a few things:

1. Drinks in comedy clubs are expensive

2. Comedy clubs seem to not focus so much on beer selection, or drink selection in general...at least the one's that are in the basements of buildings.

3. Not paying cover for the show was insanely worth it

4. Going by myself was also worth it

5. If I can develop a solid style and figure out how to conquer my brain issues (stage fright, performance anxiety, risk anxiety, fear of success), I could be better than the people I saw perform last night.

6. Not all comics are funny

7. I'm still terrified to do an open mic night.

I probably learned some other stuff, but I don't feel like thinking hard enough to remember it. I'm also listening to music and in a conversation with someone. Distractions aplenty!

Open Mic Nights and My Campaign to Get People to Read This Fucker

I am doing an open mic night!!!

But I'm not telling any of you when it is, so I can go and bomb and maintain some dignity. And then once I figure out what went wrong, I can fix it and go a second time and invite everyone, who will think it's my first time and think I'm AMAZING.

Or so the plan hopefully goes.

Also, I'm starting a campaign to get more people to read this blog, as the title of this post suggests. There really isn't much else to say about it. Read it often. Tell other people to read it. Maybe if I don't entirely bomb, I'll post the video, if there is one, of my open mic performance.

Brett Favre Retires. Yeah. Whatever

Brett Favre Retires.

Yeah. Sure. I will believe this at the END of next season. Yeah, I said the end. Because some team's QB will get hurt and their back-up will suck and the team will call Brett Favre and say, "Hey, Brett. I know you said you were done for good, but we could really use a battle-tested QB to fill in for the rest of the season. We'll give you way more money than you deserve. And with you at the helm, we have a serious shot a a Super Bowl run. What do ya day?"

And of course, this will leak to ESPN who will engage in a gigantic, over blown media orgy about how awesome Brett Favre is and spend every moment of every single day and night speculating about whether "The Great #4" will come back and ruin another team's chances at the playoffs. And we'll get to hear all of the Favre-loving media ass bags slobbering all over Favre's metaphorical dong for weeks on end, even as he blows it once again. 

The man already ruined anything Aaron Rodgers will ever accomplish in his career. Rodgers could win 7 Super Bowls, but he still won't be Brett Favre. Poor guy.

Just leave football. Go into seclusion a la J.D. Salinger and never resurface. The NFL needs to move on. Fans need to move on. And we're all tired of childish antics. Thanks. Goodnight.

Rest Assured, Government Corruption Occurs in the Judicial System as Well

PA judges charged with taking kickbacks to sentence CHILDREN to Juvie.

Assholes.

Not Back to Work Just Yet

Click here for an abomination!

Tax cuts don't save jobs. They don't stimulate the economy. They help very few people. 

Here's what will stimulate the economy: Job creation and spending. Spend on rebuilding the transportive infrastructure, spend on rebuilding the electric grid, spend on developing new sources of energy and then build the structures required for new sources of energy. Public works projects are rarely permanent, I agree. If the rest of the economy isn't fixed, then spending on these structures will only be a temporary band-aid to longer-term problem. So fix the rest of the economy as well. Stop dicking around with banks and TARP money and fix the housing market, which is the root of the problem. Use taxpayer money to buy up bad assets and then reward the taxpayers when the value returns. Buy the assets on the cheap and then sell them back to banks at below-fair market value price. It's a win-win. The banks can immediately mark up the value of the assets and use the capital, the taxpayers still make a profit, and the system gets restored. Too simple? Of course it is. I'm not an economist. I realize that no one knows the value of the assets. T.S. The government is the fucking government. Tell banks how much you'll pay for them and then say "If you don't like these prices, go nuts. Try to sell them to someone else for more." 

Also, use bailout money to help start up new small businesses, a.k.a. venture-capital investments. Instead of owing banks money, businesses' can own the government money at lower rates. If they fail, well then fuck, at least we tried. (See this article for clarification on what I'm talking about.) 

Am I wrong about this? Probably. But I don't care. Because things are already in the toilet anyway. Might as well pull out all the stops and write a check for $5 trillion in spending. Blow it all at once. If we don't get it right this time, Canada can have the Northern States and Mexico can take the Southern States. We can become the United States of Canada. At least that hockey might make a come-back!

Coffee House Musings

I'm taking a break from being a creative genius to be a moron.

I just spent the last 45 minutes writing what ended being a crappy script for an animated webisode about a one-eyed hamster who goes on an adventure. The idea came from a friend of mine who, indeed, has a one-eyed hamster. I originally pictured said hamster as being somewhat of a sea-faring pirate-y type character. But alas, he ended up being personified as a Steve Irwin-esque nature-daredevil. I blame Animal Planet and my girlfriend. Sorry honey, but I never watched any of that stuff until I met you.

Back to work!

New Phrases

I've developed two new phrases to replace the word "punch." If you are ever in a bind in which your life depends on your ability to come up with a new word or phrase to replace the word, "punch," you will now be aptly prepared. 

1.  fist-kick

2. touch with your fist

I suppose you could also use "shove", "push" or "poke," rather than touch.

Some might question the usefulness of this knowledge. I don't judge the lives of the, what I assume to be, vast number of people who will one day use these new phrases. I just dream up and disseminate such things for the betterment of society.

Day: 10ish, or something, Intermittent Jobless Report

My days have become even more uneventful. Although, amongst all this uneventfulness, I have been able to read more. Reading is very, very, very...good.

My goal for tomorrow is to be out of the house around noon. Ambitious, I know. It's hard work being unemployed. No chance to vacation. No one sympathizes. If I had them, I'd just stay home and play synthesizers. (No I wouldn't.)

Jokes and ads are in the works. Perhaps an open mic is on the way. Just need to organize a routine and practice it a little.

Of course, I suck at practice...and self-discipline in general. Otherwise, I'd still be in shape. BLAST!

This has been number two (heh) in my series of Jobless Reports. Check back every day to inflate my self-esteem about the number of people who read my blog.

Greg's Quality Classifications for Music

Tired of arguing over what is authentic hip-hop and what is crap-tastic pop-o-licious nonsense? Always losing friends over your vehement denials that 50 Cent and Nelly are authentic hip-hop? Lose friends NO MORE!

I, a completely arbitrary non-authority on artist-genre classification, now present to you a guide to what artists fit in which genre; all so that you can have a reference to cite when arguing with your friends and coworkers.

R&B:

John Legend

Raphael Saadiq

Musiq Soulchild

Lyfe Jennings

Pop:

Chris Brown

Ne-Yo

50 Cent

Kanye West (sorry to say, Kanye fans)

Nelly

Hip-Hop/Rap:

Common

Talib Kweli

The Roots

Jurassic 5

Jedi Mind Tricks

Nas

Questions? Need some clarification? Go ahead and comment on my post and I'll settle a score for you. Comments on my list? Don't bother, because I don't care.

Old News

These are a couple years old, but I don't care. I love them; so old-timey and awesome. A nice break from the T-n-A, moron comedy of the mega-brewers. Need more old-timey-ness in advertising.

TV really does ruin lives

Click here to learn things.

Krugman is my hero.

Click here please.

New York City Annihilating the Middle Class

Read this. It's Important to Me, and thus important to you.

Click it.

I re-iterate

No one had a problem when Bush was dropping billion-dollar bombs on this country, which, ironically, led it into financial ruin (see Bush tax cuts, No Child Left Behind, Bush tax cuts part 2, Iraq War).

Why is it such a big deal now that we're throwing $900 billion at our most recent economic catastrophuck? So, there might be some differences about how best to prevent our economy from going the rest of the way down the toilet. I'd say, right now, we're hanging on for dear life as our lower two-thirds are getting to see what the inside of pipes look like. As someone who finds much good advice in the mistakes that have been made in the past by my brethren in the human race, I suggest not doing the following:

Don't Raise Taxes. FDR tried it a the beginning of the Great Depression. Did not go over well.

Don't Try to Balance the Budget. Also a FDR boo-boo.

Don't Cut Taxes for Rich People. Bush the Retarded One took this avenue to turn a budget surplus into a massive budget pitfall. Which is one of the reasons spending so much money now seems, at face value, to be a bad idea. We didn't have the money to begin with because of the original cuts.

Don't Spend $11 billion a month fighting a war. I haven't checked to see if it's still that high. Basically, get out of Iraq ASAP. That was a waste of time, money and the lives of far too many people. I'd like to say get out of Afghanistan as well, but much like Iraq, we created that shitstorm by not doing our due diligence to not fuck up. Thus, we need to stay for a little while. I'm not one for quitting in the middle of something. Unless it involves my own success.

I'm sure there are others, but my economic history is limited.

Looking at history, and common sense, the following might not be the worst things to try:

Establish a WPA-like Program to Rebuild Infrastructure. Bridges collapse, NYC subways are a dump, cities nation-wide are cutting service and raising fares, and I own stock in a compressed natural gas distributor. Repair bridges and roads. Fix transit systems. Make some new transit systems, (more than two subways connecting Queens and Brooklyn anyone?). Build a high speed train that goes from Boston to LA. Switch all city buses and taxis to compressed natural gas (reduces carbon emissions and other icky toxins). Why am I the one coming up with this stuff? Also, retrofit buildings with better insulation and other energy efficient things (40% of carbon emissions come from buildings). 

Invest in Green Technology. It's clear we have a carbon emissions problem. It's also clear we have a global warming problem. Kill two birds with one stone. Subsidize the development of cleaner sources of energy until they're competitive. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to actually subsidize something productive for once. But make sure to stop the damn subsidies once the shit is affordable. The last thing we need is permanent subsidies for any more industries. (I'm looking at you, Corn, Sugar and Dairy!)

Stop Saving Every Company that Fucked Up. Last time I checked, this was a capitalist country. In capitalist countries, companies that don't operate properly go out of business. I realize that some of these financial boehemiths can't go out of business without the world exploding. Fine. But some of these smaller banks that are getting "capital infusions" are run so poorly it makes your head spin. Let the bastards fail. They deserve it. If I start a business and can't turn a profit, I go out of business. That's how it works. Stop wasting my money on people who can't run a profitable business. Dark times call for tougher competition. Innovate or die.

Stop Using the Word Draconian. I'm just tired of reading and hearing it. There are other words in the English language. Use those instead.

Give Tax Breaks for People to Buy Homes that Are Already Built. A big one, too. The problem started with housing. It will end with housing. Once home values recover, the financial products tied to those home values will recover, and everyone can go on there merry way being rich and irresponsible again until the next bubble bursts in our faces. (I realize that I said tax breaks won't work. Trickle down tax breaks won't work. Tax breaks on wealthy people's income won't work. Conditional tax breaks that are targeted at the root of the problem are a whole different story.)

That's all I can think of for now. I'm no economist, but I just put Congress to shame. Wisen up, assholes. This is some serious shit you're screwing up. Millions of us jobless folk are depending on your handouts.

This guy has a good idea

This guy makes some sense

Verizon Wireless Guy Disappears!

It's funny to me that in the AllTel Wireless ads, the guy who used to play the "Verizon Wireless" character mysteriously disappeared after Verizon went into negotiations to buy AllTel. 

I'm not criticizing. Makes perfect sense. Just think its funny.

American Politics Ruins America, Mexico and Canada to go halves on continental US

Infrastructure spending drops to a TOTAL of $30 billion. Stimulus plan hacked to pieces, loaded with pork, rendered useless. 

Thanks Congress.

Tack on a raise for yourselves while you're at it. I don't need any of my money.

Lines for Clorox that Didn't Make the Cut

Whiter than the robes of God.

So white it'll burn your face off.

So white it'll direct the suns rays at you and melt your skin.

So white it'll reflect the suns rays at you and make your eyes explode.

Chemically induced whiteness is the best kind!

Crazy white! Now with deadlier chemicals!

Kills stains in the face!

Pillages stains with Viking-like ferocity!

Stains get destroyed like a tissue at a snot party (Thanks Simpsons!)

Jesus uses Clorox to get his whites their whitest because even his miracles couldn't beat Clorox.

Zeus uses Clorox to bling those who do not believe!

The Masters of the Universe, including He-Man, couldn't make anything this white. HE-MAN!

Mother nature hates your mother for being able to out-white it with Clorox.

White so bright you'll go fucking blind!

Brights so white your face will fall off.

Whites so bright your head will explode.

Whites so bright it makes babies cry.

Whites so pure it will make you immaculately conceive.

White so bright they contribute to global warming.

Whites so bright the melt the ice on Pluto.

So powerful you'd use it to kill people that are loud and annoying in a quaint, pleasant local coffee shop (location-specific).

Whites so bright they make small children giggle.

Whites so happy they're like children's laughter. 

Whites so appealing they're like a well-groomed, wealthy man.

Whites so sexy they're like a naked supermodel.

Whites so spiffy they're like an Italian Leather couch.

Whites so adventurous they're like monkeys sent into space.

Whites so filling they're like Thanksgiving Dinner.

Song Currently Hypnotizing My Mind/Book(s) You Should Read

Mos Def - Life in Marvelous Times

New single off his new album, supposedly named "The Ecstatic," which has been pushed back about six times already. Not uncommon for a Mos Def album.

Anything by Malcolm Gladwell. If you work in marketing or advertising, you're a fool if you haven't read The Tipping Point. The entire book is about the rise and fall of trends and social epidemics. His most recent book, Outliers, is also a great study in what makes phenomenally successful people successful.

Day 3: An Intermittent Jobless Report

It's only Day 3 of unemployment and it feels like eternity. All those days at work I dreamt of being able to sit around doing nothing now seem so fool-hardy. Alas, I have received my wish and it is no paradise like I imagined! Quaff, oh quaff at the foul tempest who hath led me to believe such an existence would be bliss. I wish to smite thee who so efficiently duped me into such an idiotic belief. But alas! I must smite myself; for it is my own illusion that I believed.

Seriously. Too much time on my hands. 

Of course, there's a myriad of things I could do:  my room is a mess; my book case is complete disarray (yes, surprisingly I have enough books to require a book case); I do own a video game system but only enjoy playing 4 our of the 7 or 8 games that I own and they get redundant quickly; I could read, but then I'd fall sleep; I could take a walk, but its cold; I could go to a coffee shop, but that costs money; I could work on my portfolio and other creative endeavors, but it's hard to work at home....damn it all.

Incredibly interesting report. Perhaps by Day 7 or 8 I'll have started imaging things and can tell you all about the interesting conversations I've had with Quespo, the gentlemanly dragon-fellow who inhabits the darkest regions of the closets in my apartment. He' nice, but I think he might be a little crazy.

Words that I find funny and probably shouldn't

duty

poo poo platter

dilapidated

egregious

turnbuckle

Kalamazoo

xylophone

caulk

bum-head

that's all for now.

On a far less tirade-ish note...

Rising Moon, Blue Moon Brewing Company's spring seasonal, is out and already in my fridge. I've gone through about half of it and have to say, it's better than the other Blue Moon seasonals. However, I feel as though I'm appreciating them less and less.

Rising Moon presents without a particularly strong aroma, but is incredibly sweet, to the point that after two I have to call it quits and switch to something else, like water, or pretzels. They threw just about every lime and lime byproduct into the brew, giving it a tangy sweetness. The taste holds on the tongue a little bit, then gives way to the bitter balance of the wheat ale.

It's not a very complex beer. Much like the other Blue Moon beers, it has a fairly high level of carbonation that will mute out some of the taste, especially once your taste buds get used to the initial sweetness from the lime flavor. 

Having now tasted all of the Blue Moon Seasonals, and the Blue Moon White Wheat Ale mainstay, I find them to hover slightly above average. I find their level of carbonation to be unnecessary and assume the brewers use it to help preserve the beer rather than using chemicals to do so (much appreciated!). Still, these are all delicious brews that lose flavor with the all that bubbly. I highly recommend these beers for any sort of social gathering. People will be pleasantly surprised to find them in your fridge and will drink them down. Personally, I find them fun once in a while, but can't see myself getting any of them on a regular basis. Sorry Blue Moon, but the truth according to Greg hurts sometimes.

GOP Bailout Retarded-ness

Look, I realize that $800 billion-plus is a lot of money. I do. I think it's insane we have to spend that much money to fix the fuck ups of a few thousand people who don't have enough self-control and self-discipline to keep greed from robbing themselves of all logic and go on a nice profiteering mission on the rest of the country. But here's the funny thing about that:  we HAVE to. There aren't other options. So just fucking pass the damn thing. It's not too expensive. Nothing is too expensive to fix the country. What is too expensive is the $3 trillion (more zeros than billion) we'll end up flushing down the toilet after this Iraq War thing raps up. No one, NO ONE, seemed to have a problem when that little ditty was sucking money out of the government. No one said, "Hey. Wait a second. This is too expensive. What are we thinking?" Not even these "spend-thrift" GOP fucktards refusing to pass the bailout now. Don't get me wrong they're all fucktards, but these GOP douchebags are taking it a whole other level of fucktard-ness by rejecting an extra $25 billion on infrastructure spending. Dipshits, infrastructure spending does the following:  employs people (who will then actually spend their earnings rather than hoarding them), improves energy efficiency, reduces greenhouse gases, keeps everyone safe from bridges tumbling into rivers and subway cars going off the rails and killing hundreds, makes buses smell less, gets large, angry construction workers out of bars. These are all good things. 

But, oh yes, I forgot, Republicans are watching out for my interests by making sure we don't spend too much money NOW, even though they had no problem bankrupting us before (see Iraq War, Bush tax cuts, pillaging of common decency and individual rights, across-the-board deregulation). This steaming pile of shit the GOP is trying to sell off as due diligence makes me want to beat up a toddler. It's partisan rhetoric at time when the last thing we need is some douche with too much air time telling me another $25 billion is really going to make a fucking difference.

Don't worry, I blame Democrats too. I recall seeing most of the Iraq spending bills and the decision to go to war with Iraq being voted with an overwhelming majority of both the House and Senate. So they are to blame as well for pouring salt into the wounds and then stomping it in. Seems like they're slightly more on task this time around. Thanks, douches. 

Seriously, stop dicking around and pass this thing. It's either bankrupt us from spending too much or bankrupt us from spending too little. Either way, we're spending and either way, we're bankrupt, might has well have fun while we're at it.

How James Harrison Will Celebrate his Super Bowl Win

James Harrison will celebrate tonight by eating live babies and drinking the blood of the innocent to rejuvenate himself for some off season killing and pillaging. 

Congratulations to the Steelers! Congratulations to me for not shitting my pants throughout the game. And as my good friend Dino said, congratulations to the team I support winning.

6 Super Bowls are better than 5. Take that Cowboys and 49ers. Especially the Cowboys. America's team my ass. America's team is so the Orlando Magic.

Truck Ads

Why do the voice overs in truck ads use the word "trannie" when they talk about transmissions? Because whenever I hear that word, all I think about are lady-men. You know, the ones that might be ladies, might be men, but you're not really sure. Seriously, find a better word. Better yet, call it a transmission. I don't want lady-men in charge of shifting gears in my truck. I want my transmission in charge of that.

3D ads & the Half Time Show Blog

Interesting idea, in theory. Except there's one problem.

Not everyone has a handy dandy pair of 3D fucking glasses sitting around the house to slap on when your idiotic, fucknut ads come on to waste everyone's time. Perhaps I missed the memo and should've known to where I could've gotten a boss pair, dude, but either way, I don't have one. So, instead of your ads looking real cool and me being all excited about Pixar's next movie, I felt like I had just dropped some acid while babysitting my neighbor's kids. Sweet. What a waste of money.

Also, Bruce Springsteen and his E-Street Band can suck it. When are they going to get a musical act that actually pumps people up for a second half of football? Give me some Metallica, some Disturbed, something that actually has a pair dangling between its legs. Honestly, the only thing the Boss inspires me to do is kill myself before I get as old as he does so no one has to watch me waddle around making a fool out of myself. His face looks stretched out enough that if strains too hard his face will split open and start spraying blood all over the 45-year old stripper they keep showing with the huge fake tits and no bra. I know they're fake because they don't move when she jumps around. That shit ain't natural. I do give props to the people with the neon, glow in the dark shirts. Great way to get noticed.

Also, are the people on the field the people that used to be in the stands, or do you have to get a separate ticket to see the Boss and his assbag band? Cuz if so, the NFL guys are geniuses and people are fucking stupid. Maybe they take all the people that didn't pay extra to see the boss go into a soundproof room in the belly of the stadium so they can't hear it. None of this would surprise me. You don't get to be the most profitable sports franchise in the US of A by giving shit away for free.

I wish they had Prince do the halftime again. At least when he did it, he used his crazy guitar to make it look like he had a gigantic cock. Take that, kiddies! Bring back Janet! I wanna see some boobies! I'd sound good with a gigantic chorus backing me too! 

More Cowbell!!!!

Born in the USA is a song about going home after being away for a while and realizing all your friends have become degenerate losers who never amounted to anything. Good thing this song is Glory Days, which is probably about the same thing. I'd tell you definitively, but most of the Boss' songs sound the same to me. I actually didn't notice that he had changed songs until Glory Days came on because the songs all sounded the same. 

Who the fuck is that fat, ugly ass, messy-toothed guitarist and who allowed him to get close to a camera. I've seen more attractive hobos late at night on the subway.  

Thank God that's over. Longest 12 minutes of my life. Except for the 12 minutes it took for my boss to tell me I was laid off. OOOOOO, Zing on me!