There are no ad agencies in Nashua, NH

At least, I don't think there are. I'm thinking about rectifying this situation. I don't have any money to do it, I don't have any web design skills, and I'm not all that great at graphic design. But, I still think I want to do it.

Unless of course I find a writing job somewhere cool. I think if I end up with the opportunity, I'd like to take it and try to run my own agency. No idea who my clients would be. No idea how I'd get them. No idea who I'd "hire." Doesn't matter. That's the fun of it, I suppose. That and the fact that I'm not getting poo poo'ed by anyone except my clients.

I have no idea what I'd call it. It would have to be some obscure reference to The Simpsons. Because, really, where else would I get a name?

Good-Bye Lowe NY

The first (and only) New York City ad agency I worked (interned) for will be no more. Well, sort of.

It is being merged with Deutsch, another IPG agency. If one is to believe George Parker of Adscam fame (among many other things), and usually I do, it is because the CEO, executive board and other higher-ups at IPG are a bunch of greedy morons with their heads in the sand about the direction Michael Roth is taking the holding company. Based on IPG's (and others') performance, he's probably on to something.

I worked at Lowe from June to August of 2006. They were doing poorly then, much like they had been for the few years before I worked there and pretty much ever since. They were bleeding clients and money and had cleaned out the creative department quite a few times before and since. Despite the fact that there were a lot of things going on above my pay grade (which was $0), it was a great experience. I worked on actual, real projects for actual real clients and had work produced (a microsite). I met some pretty cool people, a few of which who have become incredible friends. I really had no idea what I was doing there and just tried to keep my head down, do my work and not let anyone find out I had no idea what I was doing. Nonetheless, it was a great learning experience and part of me is sad to see it go.

The website is still up. It's an awesome page. Enjoy!

Advertising Blog Part 7: The First Cut

I saw the first cut of my ad. To be perfectly honest, it was kind of disappointing. It was funny, but I'm not sure if that's because I wrote it (well, the original version of it). It seems rushed, jam-packed, like it trips over itself because there's so much crammed into 30-seconds. Kind of like a comedian who never pauses in between punch lines to allow the audience to laugh. Maybe I'm being too critical, as is often the case. But I'm just not satisfied. What's worse, being that I am a lowly intern, I don't really have any recourse. I just have to suck it up and deal. My Creative Director isn't really happy with it either. He's merely content, but apparently satisfied enough to let it stand.

My bigger concern is that I'm going to finally have an ad on TV and I don't know if I'm proud enough of it to put it in my portfolio. I'm most likely going to anyway, because I'm an intern and I have a TV spot. But explaining why a spot I'm unsure of is in there isn't going to be an easy task when I go for that relentlessly elusive Jr. Copywriter job.

For those interested, the Ad/Co-Brand/Promo spot will run 125 times (I'm told) between 11/2 and 11/21 on ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic and ESPN News. I apologize for any annoyance suffered by those die-hard ESPN watchers. It's going to be on during Sportscenter and probably any and every football-related programming.

Is This Cool or Lame?

(I'm talking about the game, Energyville, not the landing page). I'm not sure. It did eat up about 10 minutes of my work day. I learned a couple of nifty little do-dads about energy usage and technology, both current and upcoming. But I don't feel any better about energy conglom, Chevron.

The game itself was neat. I got to name my own town, kind of like a Sim City game. It let me know the environmental, economic and security (not entirely sure what security means) of each of my choices for producing power. I got to run with a mostly green-city, because I just rock that way and I don't want my citizens dying from dirty air. But again, as a marketing tool, I really don't feel any different about Chevron. Maybe if they self-promoted a little more about what they're doing to make energy creation safer and cleaner and why I should think they are awesome, it would've worked better.

Or I could just be too picky.

Yeah, that's right. I named my town Stenchburg. If anyone can tell me what it's from, I will give you a pat on the back, maybe even a hug.

Smoking Bans Save Lives

It's all here. Forcing smokers to go outside by themselves to speed up their death clock is paying off for those of us non-smokers.

In all fairness, it's not the impending doom of lung cancer from breathing second hand smoke that concerns me. It's the fact that cigarette smoke smells fucking awful, makes me cough, sometimes causes me to have an asthma attack, and makes my clothes stinky, that really gets to me. So I always appreciate it when people are kind enough to not smoke near me.

I am very unappreciative when people walking in front of me are smoking. That makes me want to hit them, or perhaps just slap the cigarette out of their hand. But I don't. Cuz I'm a nice guy like that.

I should, though. They smell.

Holy Crap, this Website is Amazing

We Own GM. What a great idea. Don't know who is behind it, but I like it.

Found it on this sweet advertising blog, in case you're curious.

Runaways

A 6 year old Colorado boy is currently flying in an experimental homemade aircraft over the skies of eastern Colorado.

I wish I had been that capable at six.

I suppose this is dangerous because he's apparently very high up and his head might have exploded or something from a lack of pressure, but something tells me he is currently napping/peeing his pants/hungry/wondering how he's going to get down/worried about being grounded for the next week or so.

Either way, kudos to that kid for taking the initiative to do something most of us wish/dream of doing...flying.

Office Etiquette: Is it okay to poop in the handicapped stall when you're not handicapped?

I know. I ask the big questions. I take on the real brain-teasers. I try to tackle the seriously divisive issues that drive a wedge into civilization and pit friend against friend, brother against sisters, mother against cousin, and uncle against second cousin once-removed. Is it really ever okay to go #2 in the stall for differently-abled people when you are not differently abled?

Just about every time I go to the Men's Room at work, someone is dropping a deuce in the terrlet, despite the fact that the other stalls are open. Now, it is completely possible that there are a lot of differently-abled people in this building, or that there is one differently-abled person who just has to poop a lot. It is a decent sized building and I have yet to meet everyone. But what seems more likely is that regularly-abled people find the regular people stalls much too small for their pooping needs. So they opt for the roomier handicapper in lieu of the cramped quarters of the normey stall.

Personally, I don't really think that's cool. Now, it is also possible that most of the dudes who crash the digs of the jumbo stall are jumbo dudes. But still, the big stall is big because dudes in wheelchairs and other aides need the extra space for their equipment. It's not there because you can't say no to an extra handful of Betty in Logistics' delicious chocolate chip cookies and too often say no to a brisk walk on your lunch hour. Differently abled people don't choose to be differently abled and need the big stall.

Of course, this point is moot if all of the other stalls are taken and the only one open is the handicapped stall. No one expects you to hold your poop in case someone happens to roll in with a wheeled chair. But when the smaller stalls are open, be kind to someone else's behind and take your seat upon the porcelin throne in the smaller rectangle. It's just plain nice.

What does this all mean in the grand scheme of things? Will your small gesture of consideration go a long way in someone else's day? Maybe. But what it really means is that I'm kind of bored.

Your Kid's Teacher Hates Your Kids

How's that for an inflammatory title?

Seriously, though. It takes a special type of person to be a teacher. Some people can't do it. Others can. (I probably can't). People that can't do their job should be fired, not sheltered. Teaching is a hard job. I have the utmost respect for teachers. But just like any other job, when you suck at it, you should be let go. It's just how it is.

Advertising Blog Part 6

This week, I go to Canton, MA (woohoo), for my one-day shoot of the commercial I wrote (with my Creative Director). I get to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to take the drive to advertising glory! My very first shoot! My very first ad (that will run on TV)! And I get to be there to see my work come to fruition as a PA, schlepping shit and getting coffee. Being an intern is glorious!

Still, I am excited. In about a month I'll be watching TV and my commercial/promo will come on and it will be exciting. Guess it just hasn't hit me yet.

We Are Concerned About Paying for Healthcare...

It wouldn't be an issue if we weren't paying for this.

It makes you question the basic decencies of our government, and really humanity in general, when almost $1 trillion has been spent (and probably more so will be spent) to kill people, but we can't chalk up a similar amount to save people's lives.

The total cost goes up more in seven seconds than I made (when I had a full-time job) in an entire year, before taxes.

Also note the disparity in spending. Afghanistan was the actual threat to US security, Iraq the fictitious one. I'd say this ranks third in last two decades of complete and utter debacles by the US government. First and second would have to be the Great Recession and failures in reforming healthcare/creating a public option. I'll leave ranking those to you.

In the Words of George Parker...

...taking the piss out of GM, WPP and all the other d-bags.

News last week of the death of Saturn. It is sad. Saturn was a fairly cool brand, at least when it comes to car brands. It was unpretentious. It was happy-go-lucky. And while all of those ads of losers going out to the middle of nowhere or to the factories or wherever they went to celebrate the fact that they owned Saturns were annoying, Saturn was still a nifty brand. It just never spoke to me. It was a beacon of hope for GM.

Now it's dead. Penske terminated the deal to buy the brand. Instead, we get to keep Buick and Chevy, Lincoln and Cadillac. When was the last time anyone felt fucking cool cruising in a Buick? When did Lincoln give you a happy-go-lucky, light and airy feel?

Right.