So white it'll burn your face off.
So white it'll direct the suns rays at you and melt your skin.
So white it'll reflect the suns rays at you and make your eyes explode.
Chemically induced whiteness is the best kind!
Crazy white! Now with deadlier chemicals!
Kills stains in the face!
Pillages stains with Viking-like ferocity!
Stains get destroyed like a tissue at a snot party (Thanks Simpsons!)
Jesus uses Clorox to get his whites their whitest because even his miracles couldn't beat Clorox.
Zeus uses Clorox to bling those who do not believe!
The Masters of the Universe, including He-Man, couldn't make anything this white. HE-MAN!
Mother nature hates your mother for being able to out-white it with Clorox.
White so bright you'll go fucking blind!
Brights so white your face will fall off.
Whites so bright your head will explode.
Whites so bright it makes babies cry.
Whites so pure it will make you immaculately conceive.
White so bright they contribute to global warming.
Whites so bright the melt the ice on Pluto.
So powerful you'd use it to kill people that are loud and annoying in a quaint, pleasant local coffee shop (location-specific).
Whites so bright they make small children giggle.
Whites so happy they're like children's laughter.
Whites so appealing they're like a well-groomed, wealthy man.
Whites so sexy they're like a naked supermodel.
Whites so spiffy they're like an Italian Leather couch.
Whites so adventurous they're like monkeys sent into space.
Whites so filling they're like Thanksgiving Dinner.
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