Over the last week or so working at Old Navy in the mornings, my bosses have been putting on their own music until the store opens. It seems just about every day, Jay-Z & Alicia Keys' song Empire State of Mind comes and forces me to do nothing but romanticize my memories of living in New York City for the next 3 1/2 to 4 minutes. I then spend the following 4 to 5 hours thinking about much I miss living in the city and having a big-boy job that actually paid me enough money to live on my own.
Of course, I don't remember all of the bad stuff (what bad stuff? Oh right, the exorbitant rent, high cost of everything, awful smells, pollution, noise).
I remember the awesome people, the ability to go anywhere at any time. Being able to go out and drink and not be concerned with someone staying sober enough to drive home. The awesomeness of all of the unique stores, restaurants, bars, people and whatnot with all their various themes, ideologies, priorities and deliciousness (maybe not so much the people). The sights, the sounds (minus car horns; fucking cabbies), occasionally the smells, the city had me wrapped around its finger.
But most importantly, it felt like home. Since moving away I've come to realize that NYC was the only place (so far) that I've felt like I could just be me, without self-censorship. It's not that people in NYC are any less judgmental. Some are probably far worse than anywhere else I've lived. But there's a tolerance for the bizarre and different in the city that goes far beyond anything I've experienced anywhere else. It also helps that according to the mentality and standards in the NH/MA area, I'm a bit of an oddball. In NYC, I'm quite "normal." Or at least I don't really fit into the parameters of weird. Because there are some crazy-ass weirdos all over New York. And even if I did meet people that thought I was weird/annoying/an asshole/crude/mean/whatever, there are 7,999,999* million other people living in the city limits that I could go hang out with. So fuck that guy (or girl). I'll go chill with someone else. My options are bit more limited in Nashua, NH.
I've been back to the city a couple times since moving away. And I've noticed each time as I started to see the various apartment buildings against the empty horizon as I cross into the Bronx, I got that warm, safe feeling one gets upon returning home. I felt the cozy feeling of familiarity when I stepped off the bus and onto Seventh Avenue in Manhattan, seeing that despite my extended absence, little had changed. As I walked to the subway, fumbling in my pocket for the MetroCard, it swept over me how in a mere 18 months, this place became my new home. It gave me the feeling of comfort that I hadn't felt since my days as a youngin' returning from the week+ ventures to Pittsburgh, PA to visit family.
As romanticized as it is, I still miss it like I was born and raised there.
I downloaded the song and seem to torture myself with it every day. The hook is so catchy.
*estimated
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